Edna

(Part 1) This week's edition of "As the Pegasus Flies." Another year and another batch of kids. They're always the same, Edna Wilkins thought. The troublemaker, the princess, the teacher's pet, the brown noser, the know-it-all, etc. Only the parents change from year to year. Hell, even they're the same. Sometimes she'd think how these very students will be running the world in thirty years. What a depressing thought. Maybe a few good ones would emerge, she told herself, like little Johnny who was a science whiz. Imagine how different the world will be then! So futuristic! Vacations on the moon, flying cars, gigantic computers that the government would use for the good of mankind. She was tired today after staying up late with her boyfriend Lorenzo last night. Strange how he only wanted to get together after midnight; he said he worked the late shift at Reader's Digest, but do they even HAVE a late shift? They're a publisher, not a factory. She was getting suspicious. Maybe he was married. He brought her a box full of RD magazines, and she was thankful for that because now the kids could quietly read while she dozed. These children might not be the sharpest tools in the shed, but they were so eager to learn! They were never happier than when they had something to read. At least that would never change. Kids loved to read! What could replace that? Maybe there was hope for them after all. She made it through the day, but while she was waiting for Lorenzo to show up that night, she fell asleep on her sofa. When she awoke, it was 2010...

(Part 2) Edna woke to the radio playing. The newscaster was talking about weird things—like cell phones possibly causing brain tumors, www something or other, and the space shuttle landing. She didn't understand a word of it. Lorenzo never showed last night, and she must have fallen asleep waiting. She got out of bed and frankly didn't know where she was. She ventured outside and it was like she was in another world. All of these tiny little cars with strange Japanese names. But then there were also these huge trucks with American names. Where was she? This was all Lorenzo's fault! She walked down the street, heading toward town. A man in a suit passed her, talking aloud to himself like it was the most normal thing in the world. A woman with white wires in her ears walked by in the other direction. A teenage boy shuffled past with his pants pulled low, exposing his boxer shorts. (That can't be very comfortable.) She hailed a taxi cab, climbed into the back seat, and gave the address of her school. When they got there, it was no longer a school but an apartment building. "Take me to Reader's Digest!" Edna said. The meter already read $6, so she asked, "Do you take checks?" "No check, CASH!!" the driver bellowed. She only had a twenty and hoped it was enough. Fifteen minutes later the cab pulled to a stop in front of the Rotunda. The fare was $19 and she gave the driver the twenty, who almost didn't take the weird 1950 series bill. She had been to the RD building before, but it looked so different now. It was covered in vines! And there was an annex built onto it. It was so big now, RD must be thriving! 2,000 people must work here! She went in and asked the woman behind the desk about Lorenzo. "Who?" the woman said, eyeballing Edna's strange, out-of-date clothes. "No one by that name works here." Edna saw a Reader's Digest America 2010 calendar on the woman's desk and got dizzy, falling faint to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

(Part 3) A cold glass of water to the face revived Edna. She looked around and realized it hadn't been a dream, she really WAS in 2010! What the? Was she a modern, female version of Rip Van Winkle? Rip Van WILKINS, she thought. "Miss, miss, are you okay?" a male voice asked. He was an older man with a full head of white hair. Strangely, he looked sort of familiar. Edna tried to sit up, got as far as resting on her elbows. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just confused I guess." "Here, let me help you over to this chair. My name is Johnny." He helped her up. When she was settled in the chair, he said, "You have an uncanny resemblance to my fifth grade teacher, Miss Wilkins. It's incredible!" Edna felt faint again. "Here drink some water!" Johnny said. After taking a drink, she said, "You're not Johnny the science whiz, are you?" He blushed a little. "I haven't been called that in years. Hey wait--how do you know about that?" "Because," she said, "I AM your fifth grade teacher--Miss Wilkins!" Three minutes later, a cold glass of water to the face revived Johnny. "Who the?" he said, shaking off the water like a dog getting out of a lake. "What do you mean? How can that be?" "You're the science whiz, you tell me. Maybe it was that bottle of Dutch wine I drank with the ghosts of Henry Hudson's crew last night," she said. "Are you serious?," Johnny asked. "No, it's from Rip Van Winkle. Didn't I teach you anything?" She helped him up. "You may be on to something," he said. "I have an idea! Let's go to Sleepy Hollow and the grave of Washington Irving!"

(Part 4) With Johnny driving, he and Edna made the fifteen minute ride to the Old Dutch Church of Sleepy Hollow where Washington Irving was buried. Johnny made a quick stop in Tarrytown to buy a bottle of rum. "I don't know what Dutch wine is, but this should do the trick," he said. Edna was entranced by the GPS during the whole ride. "It tells you where to go? No more asking for directions, or using paper maps? And I was so good at refolding maps!" "That's a lost art now," Johnny said. "The future is SO cool!" Edna said. "Well, it's not the future--it's the present," he said. "True. So, how are my Brooklyn Dodgers doing?" "Uh, they moved to LA over 50 years ago," Johnny said. "WHAT!? Next thing you'll tell me is they knocked down Yankee Stadium." "Well, actually..." "The future is so UNcool!" Edna said. They parked at the cemetery and found their way to Irving's tombstone. It was dusk now and getting dark quick. Johnny uncapped the bottle of rum and poured some on the ground as an offering to the famous author. "Writers are so cool!" Johnny said. "Nothing sexier than watching an author pounding the keys of a typewriter!" Edna said. "Boy, you have a lot of catching up to do," Johnny said. "No more typewriters?" "Nope." "Please tell me there are still books." "There are." "Whew. Okay, so what's your plan?" Johnny lifted the bottle of rum. "We pour this into this bottle of Coke, then we partake of it." "That's your big plan?" she asked. "I figure it like this. Old Rip got drunk with the ghosts of Dutch sailors and woke up 20 years later, right?" "Right..." "Well, there aren't any ghosts of Dutch sailors around, but every other name in this cemetery is Dutch. Maybe that'll do. Maybe it will work in reverse." "Okay," Edna said, "I'm game. What's the worst that can happen?"

(Part 5) The conclusion of this week's "As the Pegasus Flies." Edna asked, "But what about you? Won't you get sent back to 1953 too?" Johnny shrugged. "It's the only shot we have," he said. "You're so heroic!" she said. He opened the bottle and took a swig, then passed it to her. They sat down next to each other, leaning against Irving's headstone. "You're not trying to seduce me, are you? I'm old enough to be your mother." He laughed. "Not anymore--I'm old enough to be your father." She thought about that. "That's weird. Pass me the bottle." "Don't worry, I'm not trying to seduce you. But if it doesn't work, you can stay with me, just like Rip's daughter took him in." "Thanks, Johnny." A full moon rose up, casting an eerie light over the graveyard as the two of them polished off the bottle of rum. Johnny told her about her students, what became of them over the years. By midnight they had both passed out drunk. The next morning, Johnny awoke to the caretaker of the grounds kicking his foot. "Hey, mister, you can't sleep here!" Johnny looked around and realized he was alone. He called out Edna's name but got no response. Rubbing his eyes, he walked to his car and drove home. Once there, he got online and Googled Edna's name. He found her obituary. She had lived to the ripe old age of 88, passing away in 2001. She was listed as one of the inventors of the GPS system. When he reached the end, he saw an interesting tidbit: She was buried in the Old Dutch Church of Sleepy Hollow. Johnny smiled. It worked! He took a shower, poured a cup of coffee into a travel mug, and headed back out to the cemetery, stopping first to buy some flowers for Edna's grave.